Newly formed Putin Airways to undertake a round the world non-stop commercial flight

27 December, 2018

At the Farnborough Airshow earlier this year, a then-undisclosed Russian buyer ordered a single Airbus A500M. At the time the purchaser was a complete mystery, but it has since been disclosed that it was no other than aviation geek, Russia's President, Vladimir Putin.

The aircraft will form the core of a new commercial airline focused on the carriage of VVIPs who are keen to experience unique aerial feats, in the company of a distinguished world leader. Strict privacy will be maintained throughout all flights. "What happens onboard, stays onboard," a spokesman maintained, although he did warn that like all things nowadays any footage may be opened to being hacked.

Vlad has reportedly acquired the modified aircraft in order to demonstrate to the world the outstanding and versatility of its leaders. According to Mr Putin, he will personally command the flight, dressed only in hunting shorts and photoshopped physique.

EXCLUSIVE - President Captain Putin has already been captured by tabloid photographers practising his solo takeoffs prior to the world flight

Despite massive gains in aircraft technology being spearheaded by the need to directly connect Australia to the UK. The first commercial non-stop round the world flight will need to undergo inflight refuelling over Siberia, where guests can also depart the aircraft with or without a parachute. It is not clear how this will work, but a game of spin the bottle of vodka was suggested.

While the aircraft is operating on autopilot, there are unconfirmed suggestions that Vlad plans to personally conduct the in-flight refuelling shirtless by climbing across the wing in minus-60 degree conditions to connect up a hose to the support tanker.

It is thought that there are plans to bring together leaders to share a new common political vision. Dubbed the Tsar Alliance, the grouping will see the most powerful spread their influence onto others allowing the strong to get stronger and the weak to follow their views and strategies. This is being driven by the struggle to get merger and acquisition approval by the United Nations.

Technicalities are still being worked out, most importantly how to arrange for the best photo-shoots while the President is out on the wing. It is understood that Russian officials are attempting to gain insight from the Virgin Group, where Sir Richard Branson has become famous for his wing walking exploits. This may also help explain why the Virgin founder appears so eager to get into space.

Marketing the inaugural service has already commenced. Obviously the confidentiality clauses mean details of customers can not be revealed, but it is understood that one of the early customers is a prominent American who himself has extensive experience in doubtful commercial airline operations.

The new airline will also exclusively use Putin Catering Services for its inflight meals. Here's a publicity image they sent us on request for confirmation of the contract.